This post was inspired by a discussion which i found myself interrupting in.

Today two of my aunts were talking about the current security situation and how it affects the activities at schools. The case in point was a well known school which was closed for the next few days as it was speculated that they received terrorists’ threats. one of my aunt proceeded to explain that the school management called up a meeting with parents and it was voted unanimously that ‘its better to be late than sorry’. so they closed the school for a week or so.

Hearing the ‘its better to be late than sorry’ bullshit, i couldn’t contain myself and interrupted with my own philosophy of pessimism. I presented them with the question: “Lets assume, there is no such concept as ‘late’, all you have to be is to feel sorry” , I continued “whats better? to be sorry today  or be sorry tomorrow?”.

“Lets face it”, I explained in response to their blank faces. “You are gonna get blown up by a bomb sooner or later. Whether at work or at marketplace … or even at home, you will find your fate written on some IED and feeling sorry is the only feeling one can get”. Saying this, i took a deep breath and continued… “So, would you like to be blown up today or tomorrow, or next week… ?”

“Or would you opt to be perished by a more ‘elegant’ way of death – the hellfire missile by a US drone?”, I presented them more choices to die, as if its me who decides their fate tonight.

Although I was not talking out of emotions but rather making fun of the situation that i got myself and my poor aunts into but they were totally lull. the only response i got out of their mouths was a few grunts, and i couldn’t help but smile at the irony.

Though the conversation (rather than a one-way argument) was over, I started to ponder over what i had said earlier. ‘Whether to be sorry today or tomorrow?’

If I had to choose, then under the current scenario, I would rather be sorry tomorrow coz today, i would party hard…. would spend all my savings as it will be of no use to anyone once I am nothing but a a few mounds of flesh and bones lying on the side of a street or rotting in a cockroach infested morgue.

Whats your choice?

Look again at that pale blue dot. That’s here. That’s home. That’s us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there – on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

"The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors, so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Our posturing, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light.

"Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

"The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

"It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we’ve ever known. "

-Carl Sagan, "Pale Blue Dot"

Image Credit: Wikipedia [http://upload.wikimedia.org/wikipedia/commons/7/73/Pale_Blue_Dot.png]

Well, its been almost a week that i started feeling aches and weakness in my body. But from Sunday, the fever kicked in.

An initial trip to the doctor revealed nothing much:
”You got a throat infection my boy”, the doctor said after she examined my throat. “And it is causing those fevers and aches”.
I tried to protest… “No, i have these swollen tonsils since I was a kid.. You need to think on some other perspective”

The doctor looked at me in a way as if trying to say: “Don’t instruct me how to do my job!” and i could just grin.

So, as i suspected, no improvement in my fever for two days and i decided to switch doctor.

I went to another guy and told him my condition. He asked me to change my medicine and suggested some tests.

The test result is due this afternoon and i should be going to collect them…. Lets hope its not typhoid or any other bad disease coz i got a lot of work to do at office…

and despite my effed up medical condition, i have been coming to office on nearly daily basis

Its funny how weird you act when you are disturbed in the middle of your slumber. Just moments back, I heard the sound of my landline phone ringing and i remembered the incident that occurred to me last night when i was deep in my sleep. The phone ringer that sounded totally normal just now sounded totally alien and that caused quite a confusion with me. As I was extremely tired due to my day long meeting (even on sunday), I retired to bed early as I had to take a break in my sleep to see a cousin off. So, I slept at 11:30 PM.

It was around 2:15 in the morning when my sleep was interrupted by some continuous ringing sound. Initially it sounded very distant as if it started in a dream but sono my mind got conscious that this ringing sound was from the real world not from the dream. But the dilemma was that my mind couldn’t correlate the sound with the source. It was very loud very crude ringing sound. At first i thought about door bell but the idea was immediately rejected as i knew my door bell is very melodic, then my thoughts wandered towards fixed phone but the idea was again rejected as it never sounded like it. The sound resembled like a fire alarm. The only possible source i could think of was that the sound was coming from another phone and that another phone wasn’t mine.

So, I nudged my brother and in sleepy voice ordered him to attend to his cellphone. His reply “STFU – Its not mine” got me out of my sleepy thoughts. I sat on the bed with the mysterious source still ringing. Suddenly It dawned upon me – GodDammit, it was the landline phone which i had earlier dismissed that was ringing. Ringing of my landline phone at this hour of night is never good news. I hoped for the best and rushed towards the lounge where the phone was placed. I picked up but there was no sound coming from the other side. I cursed the phone and the caller and headed back to bed and slept instantly.

Again in the sleep, I heard the same sound… same struggle with my brain about the source of the sound but this time i had known the source. The same damn phone ringing again. I rushed again and picked up the phone. No sound from the other end,

Me: ‘Hello??’
<NO SOUND FROM THE OTHER END>
Me: ‘Hellooooooooo’
A male voice: ’Hello?’
Me: ‘Yes?’  
That male sound: ‘Hi, Edhi Ambulance?’
Me: ‘What?’   (my mind was still drowsy)
That male sound: ‘Are you from Edhi Ambulance Service?’
Me: ‘No, Sorry wrong number’.
That male sound: ‘oh, ok’
<HUNG UP>

I checked the time, It was still around 2:15 and i thought i had slept for hours between these two phone calls.
In any other situation, I would have grumbled a few obscenities after placing the phone, but the conversation was disturbing enough to keep me pondering. Somebody needed an ambulance and dialed a wrong number… Great! Those precious seconds that he wasted talking to me could have made a difference in saving somebody’s life. The more I thought, The more disgusted I felt about myself. Why the hell didn’t I tell him the number? I had that number stored in my cellphone. Somebody needed help and i was too sleepy to help him.
The only thing i could do after this mishap was to say a silent prayer for the person who needed an ambulance. Prayed to God to have mercy on the soul of the person who needed that ambulance.

… and then I went back to sleep as if nothing ever happened.

Its 1st of Shawwal 1430 Hijri (2009)

Wishing you the warmest greetings of Eid ul Fitr.

Today, the media and people are again debating on the decision of an ‘unofficial’ committee that decided today that they have seen the moon in Peshawar and adjoining areas and will be celebrating Eid on Sunday. This apparent controversial decision has been a trademark of the people from the northwest province who seem to have the supernatural abilities to see the moon when nobody in the whole subcontinent can see it.

Being a man of science, I strongly believe that the mathematical models predict the moon sighting in a pretty accurate manners. Now the rightists would argue that the relegion says that you can celebrate eid (or Ramadan or whatever) after you see the moon and receive sufficient authentic evidences from people of repute that they have seen it too. I am in no position to contradict this rule, but the rightists must also know that the Qur’an also says that the moon and sun are moving in their predefined orbits and will continue to do so till the end of times. If we take the statement as the starting point that we have sufficient historic data to create mathematical models that can predict the moon’s state for the future. We also have software to prove the same.

So, as an argument against the pathans’ supernatural abilities to see the future, I present the moon chart for Saturday and Sunday that pretty much explains the areas where moon can be sighted. (courtesy: www.moonsighting.com)

As you can see, Pakistan is nowhere near the the zone where you can see the moon with naked eye or using reasonable optical aid. Only a very small portion of Arab states, and southeast Asia are in a position to celebrate Eid on the Sunday.

However, the situation will improve drastically on Sunday as shown below:

Majority of the world will be able to see the moon using naked eye as its age at that day will be significant enough.

Now the question is, what causes these pathans to see the moon when nobody else sees it (and considering the fact that they happen to live in a terrain where view is obstructed by mountains).

The answer can be obtained by careful examination of a pathan brain (if they have one – I doubt it).
Also, the moon sighting can also be attributed to the hallucinations that is experienced after consumption of crack cocaine and marijuana by these lucky folks who happen to harvest these drugs in their backyard. (C’mon guys gimme some of this dope, i need to see what the future holds for me)

So, jokes apart. Whether by dope or by pure miracle, the pathans have managed to see and prove the moon and will be celebrating the Eid on Sunday while the rest of the country will follow the day after. I congratulate you on your massive victory (though I am envious of your supernatural abilities). May you have a joyous and peaceful Eid in the Northwest.

F*ck man, I can’t believe this shit!

Eid is coming. Almost a week to go now.

Most of the people in my family are now starting to follow a pre-programmed routine: to spend two or more hours out in the shopping malls.

This reminds me to do my part of the shopping too and today being the Sunday makes it the ideal candidate for an afternoon that is spent away in the malls.

But this is where the problem kicks in, I just can’t seem to make up my mind about what to buy. It has been happening to me for quite some time now. Every time i go to a store, I usually have a fairly decent idea about what i will be buying but as i roam around exploring the possibilities, my mind changes… and i stand there totally mum and eventually return empty handed. The worst case is that I end up buying the thing which i regret buying.

I am sure there is a phenomenon that explains my condition, but i can’t figure out how find it.. perhaps in an economics or psychology book ???

ah I truly wish i could overcome this cowardly habit of mine and to eventually commit the transaction for which i set off from home at the first place.

So, today seems to be the day when i face and battle my inner demons one more time… I surely hope i get back with a smile on my face and a few shopping bags in my hands.

Every Ramadan for the past four years, I have been visiting pizza hut with my friends to participate in their famous ‘All You Can Eat (AYCE)’  deals. The deal is nothing but a so called orgy of men and pizzas. Lots of hungry men and women come to the pizza hut outlets across the country during the holy month of fasting and as soon as the sun sets they break their fast like greedy pigs… and yours truly is one of those pigs devouring whatever he could get his hands on.

So, today was the day when it was decided that we shall be visiting one pizza hut. The outlet chosen was at Shaheed e Millat Road, Karachi. Our past experience had been pretty ok with that outlet which is well built, spacious and quite fine gentry visiting the place.

I left for the place at 6:45 PM as we had decided to meet there at 7:15, in contrast to past years, i was to meet only one man – the good old dAs! Before i even reached there, i started getting his messages like ‘The place is crowded with chicks’   and ‘Just standing there… My Roza is getting ruined’,
’Oh Yeah!’, i thought! and my hunger suddenly raised a new peak.

Anyways, we were seated at an over crowded facility… and that place seemed totally opposite to the pizza hut we used to know. it was over crowded, with perhaps the worst and most rowdy crowd ever gathered at that place. On top of the noisy ones were perhaps a group of 15+ teenage boys (perhaps from some college) who might have come to pizza hut in this large number for the first time ever in their lives. They were whistling and yelling and hooting for anything they might find interesting. The most commonly occuring thought on my head was ‘Well, if they say that all the devils are locked away in this month, then what the hell are these creatures?’

As the time to break the fast was announced, we started with the dates and some salad. The pizza was to be served after fifteen minutes…. and man o man what followed after those fifteen minutes was one unique experience in itself! 

The first servings of pizzas were taken by everyone very easily. This is how it begins, pizza comes out of the kitchen and disappears very quickly only to be followed by a continuous supply of pizzas. After two turns (or may be three – who bothers counting?) the servers seemed to vanish and with them the pizzas. Initially people remained seated patiently waiting.. but after 10 minutes or so, they became impatient…. the rowdy bunch of kids that i wrote about yesterday became ever uneasy. People picked up their forks and knives and started hitting the places – thus the melody of hungry people was born inside the premises of pizza hut. with the melody came the vocals (and I must assure you they were hoarse and abusive). The servers and floor manager could do nothing but to request the people to stay calm but to no avail. Finally after fifteen minutes, the first pizzas of the second session started to serve but they disappeared only on the first tables. The crowd from the back tables were getting restless and they started more yelling. I saw some families get up from their seats and started to leave. The manager tried to stop them only to get into an argument. The serving of pizzas continued slowly, still the supply was not on full throttle. So, everybody got their slices with a delayed interval.

So, after wasting around one and a half hour after the iftar, we thought that our tummies are now full. So we left the place and paid the full sum of money.

I am not sure what went wrong with the supply of pizzas, but it has never happened earlier with me so I would ignore it by calling it ‘an unfortunate mishap’. Perhaps their ovens malfunctioned or their raw pizzas were not readied in time… we can never be sure what happened back there but it surely did cause a lot of frustration among the attendees. But that frustration was transformed into a fun-filled non-violent protest… I still smile over the melodious striking of forks on empty plates and tweeting and whistling and yelling… especially that crowd of kids who were honking as if they were in some Lahore Theater watching mujra

Good night, and dAs if you read this… remember you were there too to experience it!   the chicks looked great, don’t you agree?

Just when i boasted in front of my peers that Ramadan is the coolest of months in the whole year (when it comes to work), I never knew that my ranting wouldn’t be liked by the supreme authorities. While I had finalized my plans to leave office at most by 2:30 PM and to reach home by 4:00 PM (at the most) and to sleep the rest of the afternoon off, I forgot to include one major internal factor while making that plan… and that factor is none other than ‘Boss’.

Like a volcano, the boss has just awoken from its hibernation and now its all ash, smoke, stones and lava that is falling on me.The first two days of the month have been awful.. Monday was spent drifting in and out of sleep,.. while Tuesday was even worse. I nearly passed out on my desk twice only to be jolted back to consciousness by rumblings of my boss. And on both of these days, I have been leaving work two hours late than everyone else.

Oh, i have never felt this much miserable ever before… may be its my body thats signaling me to review how I am spending my life.. Perhaps asking me to sleep more at night.

Or perhaps its an indication for me to seek a break…or perhaps a new job.

I hope the coming days are not so tough.

Due to proximity with my workplace, I seldom go to the Boat Basin Mosque for Friday prayers. In addition to proximity, other good reasons for going there are vastness of the premises, diversity of eating places nearby and above all – A Maulvi¹ that is very candid. Yeah folks, instead of hearing the conventional ‘ghusal’ and ‘instanja kay masail’, i get to listen to more social issues and regular bashing of government officials and general public…. The maulvi seems very literate as well and feels comfortable with English.

On the past Friday, I got the chance to go to the place again. I was accompanied by a friend. We reached the mosque almost half an hour earlier than the designated prayers time. The maulvi had just started his speech. I got myself seated at a shadowed spot and started to listen what the maulvi was saying. The topic that he started to discuss was simplicity and how the Prophet Muhammad (PBUH) and his apostles spent their days in extreme poverty. He added that the unity among the people in those old days was phenomenal and how people used to exhibit the behavior of selflessness. Saying this, he flipped into the current world and started into the current materialism world.

He added that the current price hike in all the basic items is not because of the genuine shortage of products but because of the joint effort by the producers, distributors and government officials. They consider Ramadan as the month where it is their right to earn more and more profit by squeezing every single penny out of the poor consumer’s pocket. With these earnings, all the culprits go to perform Hajj and self assure themselves of being sin-free. The maulvi was of the opinion that such acts cannot be forgiven by God and even hundreds of Hajjs would be no good for such a crime.

Next, he turned the guns towards us people and our hypocrisy in general. He said that the day Ramadan moon is sighted the mosques seem to overflow with worshippers. Even the morning prayer has four times as much attendees then any other day. He threw the question, ‘Where do these worshippers come from?’, ‘Do they descend from the palm trees located outside the mosque?’, ‘Or do they come from the skies itself?’, this tempo continues till Shawwal moon is sighted and at that very instance, there are hardly a dozen people in the night’s prayers while the rest of the people are out in the markets obtaining ‘eye-tonic’. He specifically emphasized on the term ‘eye tonic’ which he further explained: ‘Eye tonic is what they call those women who are shopping in the markets’.

Once the phoondy topic was over, the maulvi moved towards poilitical issues, He came to energy crisis and bashed the government for allying with the private power production companies and allowing them to form a cartel. He came to politics of water and said that the opposing factions of the ‘Kala Bagh Dam’ want the dam to be built over their dead bodies..  As a response Mr. Maulvi siad:‘Well, you opposers! Get ready to be dead. coz there will be no water to live on in the next five years’… He concluded the topic by saying ‘Had you built a dam earlier, we wouldn’t be this much damned by now’.

I must add that during the whole speech, I noticed smiley faces all around. (yours truly included) A guy who had just came to my neighboring place was getting ready to sit down when he heard something and a hissing laugh escaped his lips. He immediately recovered and looked around apologetically to find me returning the smile.

Once the prayers was finished, I came out to find my companion looking back at me and he said: ‘Did you hear that?’
’Yeah’, I replied. ‘This guy gets frustrated often’.

To finish this post, I would suggest that if you are in Karachi and are somewhere near the Clifton region, Do spare some time to visit the Boat Basin Mosque on Fridays. You might as well get your share of an innovative way of speech by a maulvi who has got some balls!

Footnotes:

1 -  Maulvi:  An islamic cleric.